


Holding Hands With My Anxiety

by Louisunite



Category: Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Anxiety, Eventual Smut, Friendship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not too severe though, Panic Attacks, break-up, larry - Freeform, why is tagging so hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-13 11:45:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18031121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louisunite/pseuds/Louisunite
Summary: "It is not you, it is me." - Isn't that always the case?The one part saying this to 'make you feel better'. Everyone knows that's never the case - they take the blame to look less like a dickhead, a little shit, an absolute pile of rubb- yeah, the picture is probably painted by now. This, was also the case for Louis one morning. His love life falling to ruins. It was obviously him, but what did he do wrong, then? He had always thought his love for his - then - boyfriend had been reciprocated dearly. He had stormed out at that very clichè line. His whole life was his boyfriend. Friends, flat...everything. What was he going to do? And what had he done anyway?





	1. It is not you, it is me

**Author's Note:**

> Go stream Two Of Us by our king Louis Tomlinson. The lyrics are honestly so well thought out and obvs Louis is an amazing singer as well. I'm done. x

“It is not you, it is me” the last line Louis heard before he left his flat that very morning. He walked out after being broken up with by his, once, beloved boyfriend. and was now situated in the underground going wherever. The most important thing to him was that he was, in fact, going. He was sitting on one of those blue seats with small little sewed London eye’s on them. Just observing people walking in - and out. The “please, mind the gap” slowly starting to arise a never-ending echo in his brain - perhaps a bit similar to when he had overplayed that one Ed Sheeran song last summer and it became the biggest plague after a while. Although, this time around ‘Minding the gap’ worked to numb the pain of his, now, ex-boyfriend’s words spoken that morning. In Louis’ mind they were doing absolutely splendid. Relationship going strong, was it not? 

“This seat taken?” a voice interrupted Louis’ train of thoughts making him look up to find who the voice belonged to and then meeting the kind-looking brown eyes of a brown-haired man.  
“No. Go ahead.” Louis answered gesturing to the seat, attempting to smile but failing miserably. “Thanks, mate.” The man simply answered and gave Louis a smile. Smile reaching his eyes, making them crinkle a bit on the side. The man then continued - “Can I ask you something?” looking at Louis once again. “Sure?” Louis answered warily, his answer coming out more like a question. “Are you alright? - you don’t have to answer, of course.” And at that, Louis barrier, which he, subconsciously, had built up after he left his shared flat broke down and his eyes filled with tears and not long after they started pouring down his cheeks, like some kind of Icelandic waterfall. The tears did not seem to stop. 

The man looked on, seemingly not sure of what to do but merely seconds later he engulfed Louis in a both, much needed and unexpected hug. “Oh, I-I’m sorry” the man added after releasing Louis from a tight but nice, friendly hug. “you just…looked like you could need one” the man muttered suddenly slightly shy. Louis, now dragging his hands over his cheeks in attempt to remove the already fallen tears replied with a small “It’s okay, it was nice, yeah” Louis assured the now, worried, man of his actions. 

“Where are you heading, anyway?”

“Everywhere yet nowhere” Louis replied short but true.  
“What do you say, we get out of here and go get a coffee or something?” the man asked with a small but kind smile. Louis thought it over - was that a good idea?  
“I don’t really know you, mate” Louis sheepishly looked at him, not sure how to reply. Did he want to go or not? Was it safe? And who even was this guy?  
“That’s true. And it’s honestly a good thing that you’re not willing to go with it. Though, I swear I’m inviting you in the least creepy-intended way probably ever possible - at least that’s what I’m trying to do anyways.”  
“All right, but on one condition, we’re staying in public. Safety reasons and all that.”  
“Definitely.” The man answered seemingly not planning on doing the opposite anyways, which made Louis feel a bit more secure in his decision.  
Getting off at the next station, he got his phone out of his jeans’ back pocket, his Oyster railway card sitting tightly between his phone and his phone cover. He followed the man out of the station, only parting to scan their cards on the scanners at the gates to let them out and then reuniting again. 

“Where do you want to go, then?” Louis asked, putting his phone back in his pocket.  
“I could go for some coffee. I don’t think I’m quite awake just yet.” The man answered, looking at Louis as if to search for a response, which made  
Louis give him a little nod and a “lead the way.”

After a short walk, they entered a cute little café with quotes written in white on the walls here and there in a nice fond. Green plants situated in all the right places, making Louis wonder why he had never been to - or even heard of this place before. The man let out a cough, making Louis avert his eyes away, which were currently on one of the nicely written quotes. Which, rude, he was enjoying the scene. 

The man just smiled at him and then led the way to a table in the back of the room. Sitting down on a chair, leaving Louis to do the same as he waved down a waiter with a smile. Does this man ever stop smiling? The man politely requested a black coffee and looked up at the waiter, who was now standing in front them. Louis followed by ordering a Yorkshire tea, with milk, obviously. 

As they waited for their drinks to arrive, Louis’ eyes, again moved to look around the pretty café. The only difference from when he had just entered to now was that he started looking at all the happy couples, who were sitting there chattering away like no tomorrow. If actual heart-eyes were a thing you could get and not only an emoji, he could have sworn he had seen them in this one guy’s eyes. Did he look like that guy when he was with his boyfriend? And then he remembered, the lousy memory of this morning “It’s not you, it’s me”. Ouch. It was not until something touched him, that he snapped out of the memory of sorrow. “Hey.” the underground-man said. It, coming out more like a statement and they then started a fairly, normal conversation - as far as ‘normal conversation’ goes when talking about a complete stranger you have only just met on a tube after being dumped. 

Liam, which Louis’ had come to know as the underground-man’s name, happened to be really good at making him ignore his problem by completely circulating around the elephant in the room and making him think of all the other things that could probably ever be thought of. Like, how annoying his smile was, and Liam smiled a lot. As in, a lot. He had not even told Liam about his problem, and the man who he had only just met a few hours ago had not pressured him to. Louis admired people like Liam. But not so much, when he pointed out that Louis had agreed on going out for coffee and was now drinking tea. Could he not just have his tea in peace. This freaking underground man was starting to annoy him a bit, already. Strangers sure could be confusing.


	2. Green 'licious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are Liam and Louis friends? Or are they just strangers? Potential lovers? Is Liam even single?

After turning the many meanings of life up and down in the way of conversing for a good 2 hours and one to many cups of tea Liam and Louis were finally getting their jackets on again about to leave the beautiful café, which Louis was definitely going to return to, both because of the scenery but also because they sure made a mean cuppa. 

“Were where you going anyway when we met?” Louis asked. He was quite sure the man had not just stumbled into the tube, only because he had a passion for tubes. “I was heading to the shop. Have to restock my fridge.” Liam responded. “Surely, you’ve got a shop close to wherever you live? It’s London, mate, in case, you hadn’t noticed.” Liam just looked at him dumbly.   
“Of course, but I have a favourite shop, which is not exactly in my home area.” 

“It’s special…at least to me. I’ll show you.” Liam continued.

“Where is it?”

“Islington. Not too far and it’s in public.”

“At this rate, I’ll have no money on my traincard before the day is over.” And just like that the two of them went on to the trainstation and before they knew it they were standing in front of ‘Green ’licious’. Looking a bit too fancy and well, green, for Louis’ taste, at least on the outside. Strawberries, pears and god knows what everywhere. What was the inside like then?

Liam stopped shortly to grab a basket and then continued into the shop - A lot of green. Not that Louis had been surprised. 

“So, why is this your favourite?” Liam just smiled at Louis’ question grabbing a few apples and bananas.

“Liam, you better answer my question. I didn’t spend money just to see you grabbing a shit load of green stuff.” That might have been a bit rude, judging by the fact that they had been strangers to each others just this morning - but he felt comfortable with this stranger, okay?  
Louis just got another smile.  
Liam just went further into the store getting a few other, way to healthy things for Louis’ taste. Kale, really? Louis having moved a bit up ahead. 

“Thank God. Some unhealthy stuff.” As he spotted an aisle with not so unhealthy food and as he moved to pick up a bag of crisps he took that back.

“You. Cannot. Be. Serious.” Louis’ groaned and heard someone heard let out a bit of a laugh behind him. “I see, you’re not too keen on the healthy stuff, either?” Louis’ turned around to find a brown-haired man 

“Don’t you have any real fattening food?” deciding to question this laughing person as he was wearing a ‘Green ‘licious’ uniform with a nametag reading ‘Niall’.

“Well…I do, in my fridge, but you’ll only find kale crisps here, sorry mate. Didn’t the name give it away though?”

“Yes, but a new friend of my friend, insisted that this shop was his favourite and I didn’t realise he was a health freak” 

“My boyfriend is exactly like that.” grinning a bit.

Liam chose that very moment to appear with his now overly filled basket. “Oh, hey babe. I see you’ve met Louis.” Throwing an arm around this Niall-guy’s shoulder. Which, Liam’s boyfriend, maybe? But not being completely sure.

“Yeah, that’s my health-freak of a boyfriend and apparently, also your newfound friend” Niall apparently having caught on his confusion.

“Excuse me. I’m not a health-freak.” Liam, the health freak protested.

“Are you sure?” Louis and Niall both shared a grin looking down at Liam’s overfilled basket full of fruits and other things Louis was positive he had never seen before in his 27-years of being alive.

“So, let me get this right. He’s the reason why this shop is your favourite?” Louis asked.

“Well, that, and the food here, yeah.” Liam explained, kissing Niall on the cheek. Making Louis think of him and his boyfriend with a smile only to remember this morning’s happening. Oh. Smile turning into a downwards frown. 

“You okay?” Niall asked. 

“Yeah, it’s nothing.” Louis decided to redirect his problems.

“Okay…” Niall letting it go but still looking concerned at Louis.

“When are you off?” Liam tried to stray away from a newly found tension.

“Won’t be long. Just need to clean up and take care of a few things here and there. I’ll probably be home in an hour or so. Depends” 

“Ok. I’ll see you then.” leaving the aisle with a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips and then dragging Louis along by the shoulder to the cash register and paying for the billions of fruits. The cashier was a younger looking girl, although still above the age of 18, Louis thought. She was blushing bright red the minute Liam looked up at her. Someone definitely had a crush on the health freak. He could understand where she was coming from. Yeah, Liam was a fine-looking lad and nice and all but to Louis, looking at him in more than a friendship-way, was almost disturbing. 

It wasn’t long before Lou and his health freak of a friend - wait…

“Liam?” he looked at him.

“Louis?” Liam shot back.

“No, seriously.” The newly broken-up man looking, almost, scared.

“Yeah, what?” Liam now answered nicely as if sensing Louis’ discomfort.

“Are we…friends?” Louis’ shoulders dropped the second he had gotten his question out.

“Of course, we are. But only if you want to be.” Health freak answered and it warmed Louis’ heart, dearly. That ‘Of course, we are meant so much to Louis it was almost unbearable.  
“For sure. I’m not too sure if I can take your passion for health.”

“Where do you live, then?” Shit. Did he even live in his flat anymore? Juridically, yes, he did. Going there, was the last thing he would ever go there. Save for staying there. He needed to go and get his belongings, though. He needed a plan. Fast. He didn’t have any money, save for the amount he had left on his train card and he could probably pay with his phone in some scenarios, but it just wouldn’t work. He needed a place to stay and he could not even pay for it. What was he supposed to do? He did not even have enough money on his train card to afford a train back to Doncaster. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Lou. Look at me.” Liam apparently sensing an incoming anxiety attack of sorts.


	3. Postponing an older life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis does not have anywhere to sleep and well...that's a bit of a rubbish situation. What does a temporary ‘homeless’ 27-year old do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re-upload due to bug - I'm sorry. When that's said, I'm almost done with chapter 4 :) Sorry again.

“How did you know?” Louis asked after coming down from his oncoming anxiety attack. 

“What?” Liam looked at Louis confusion clear in his eyes.

“The anxiety attack and just…what to do?”

“I had a friend in school who went through the same.”

“You know, if you want, you can crash on our couch for however long you want and need.”

“I appreciate it, Liam. But, like, we’ve just met.” Louis looking down at the floor, seemingly a bit embarrassed. 

“All right. But, at least, let me pay for a hotel room. I won’t let you stay out in the cold or in an underground station.” Liam voiced seeming really firm but not in a bad way. In a way that made Louis cared for, not really remembering when anyone last cared as much for him in the way that Liam seemed to do. 

“Liam, I can’t take your money.” 

“No, you can’t. So, that’s why I’m giving it to you.” 

“I’ll pay you back whenever I get my card.” Louis promised.

“Was it stolen?” Liam asked, look of concern in his face.

“It’s still in our flat along with all my belongin- “Louis stopped not really having wanted to reveal that much. Well, shit. He’s been rubbish at thinking ever since the moron of his ex, broke up with him. He’d probably describe himself as a waterfall of emotions. 

Louis looked up at Liam, whom, seemingly just let it be. Probably sensing it was a sensitive topic and Louis promised himself, he would tell his newfound friend about what had happened if they remained friends. If not just to let Liam into the dark mystery that was Louis himself, but also for his own mental health...or what was left of it, anyways. Liam seemed like a good listener, so it could not go completely wrong? right?

The two set off to find a hotel, dropping into a Subway to buy a sandwich for Louis, who could pay off his phone. Thank God. He already felt like he was milking Health-freak Liam by making him pay for a hotel. Louis insisting that a lousy hotel was fine by him, Liam would simply ignore him and in the end, they settled for a middleclass hotel. - What was this guy’s work, seriously. He had offered him an incredible hotel room, but Louis’ had stood his ground on that and refuse Liam to spend unnecessary money on him.

After being checked in, Liam headed up with Louis. “Room 13” the younger muttered and soon after; “Over here.” Louis said, having waltzed a bit further up ahead. Liam handed the key card to Louis and soon after the door opened. A nice-looking room with a soft bed stood before Louis. “Liam, thank you. Really.” And Liam just replied with a “No worries.” Yup. Louis had to get his card back, so he could repay the younger. 

And at that thought Liam’s phone let out a sound. Liam reaching into his pocket, fishing it up. Most likely, reading a text and then replying. “I need to get back home. Niall’s waiting. Hand me your phone, yeah?” and Louis did. Waiting for a second before Liam let out an “Are these song lyrics?” Louis apparently having had his notes app open when he had handed his phone over. “Yeah, just something I like doing when I’m bored.” Louis appearing a bit embarrassed, Liam only answering him with a prolonged, “Mate,” and then being handed it back seeing two new contacts now added to his phone. “I added Niall’s number as well. I’ll text you later, all right. Get some sleep now, yeah.”

“Mate, you sound like my mum.” The older one groaned.

“Am I a good mum?” Liam send him a grin.  
“Just get out.” Louis send him off with a pad to his back and then fell down onto the way to soft bed. Not a complaint, though. And it was not long before his eyes started drooping and he was long gone, counting sheep.

When he awakened he was surprised that he had actually had a full, peaceful, night’s sleep. And since when was his bed so comfortable and where was Julian- Oh right, they broke up and now he was in a hotel room sponsored by his new, one and only friend, Liam - Niall came with Liam of course, and Louis was not complaining. He already felt a liking to the blue-eyed lad.

Turning his phone around and picking it up, it having been thrown upside down on the other side of the bed reading a text from Liam having come in about another hour after he had passed out last night. Liam had bid him a goodnight and told him that he had really enjoyed meeting, spending some time with him and then in the end he had asked if he wanted to come over the following day, which was now, today.

Louis sent off a short text thanking him profusely for everything and that he’d think about it. He decided on a short shower before he could overthink his money-situation and what had brought it on. Whilst showering, he did plan out when he could drop by his flat without meeting his ex. Meeting the guy who just broke-up with him already, would be too soon and just not exactly his biggest dream. The need for clothes, his card and the phone charger was overpowering his want not to go back. 

Before he knew what, he was doing, he was on an underground train, back to his once beloved flat. Messaging Niall back and forth - turns out he was a really funny, lad. Louis understood what Liam saw in him and the other way around. 

Talk about the sun, and the sun starts shining. His phone started ringing, Liam’s contact lighting up the screen wanting to know if he was coming over, or not. And that was his plans to get his stuff being postponed and a text from Niall informing him about their address and getting out a bit earlier than normally to get to couple’s apparent home.

When Louis got there he stood there outside, eyes big. How the bloody hell did they afford this. They must be the CEO’s of incredibly several big companies and that’s why Liam had no problem showering Louis with so many things.

“Are you planning on coming in, or?” Niall asked with a smile, now having appeared behind a big nice-looking gate, apparently already having buzzed him in.


	4. So, like, what happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Liam and Niall became a thing.

As they started their walk into Niall and Liam’s house, Louis could not help himself from asking “Not to be, like, rude or anything, but like, what do you guys work as?” gesturing to the big house. Niall let out a chuckle at the way he put his question, “No worries, mate. Well, Liam’s a music producer and I tag along every now and then. I inherited a few food chains of shops from my family, so I spend majority of my worktime working with that.” With that he opened up the front door, Louis being greeted by Liam in a side hug. 

“How was the hotel?” the brown-haired health freak asked.  
“I’ll find a way to repay you, Liam” Louis chose to ignore the question.

“So, remind me why I am here, again?” Louis added after Liam just looked at him with a shrug. “Right. The two of us are going on a ride.” And just as Louis was going to decline, he added a “You cannot say no. Look at it in a way to repay me” tugging Louis out the door and into an overly fancy-looking car. The older decided that he might as well get used to all this ‘fancy’ stuff, because apparently it was not about to stop. 

The car owner drove out of the gates and was now on the road to an unknown place - to Louis at least. “Why won’t you tell me where we are going?” Was it wrong that he just wanted to know where he was taking him. “Where’s the fun in that, mate?” Liam answered keeping his eyes on the road, like a good driver. “Well, you could be kidnapping me at this very moment and driving me somewhere out in the countryside or closer to the sea so when you decide to kill me, it would be easier to get rid of my body easier” Louis had definitely watched too many crime series.   
“If I wanted to kill you, would I not have done that already, to not have to listen to you blabbering on about an apparent murder - Also, I’m not too sure what Niall would think about me going around murdering people. I’m not risking his love.” 

Seriously, Liam and Niall were too cute to handle. Louis was not jealous of their relationship, he was overly happy for them and could only wish to ever have anything close to as amazing to the two of them. His mind went back to him and his - now - ex, it still being early breakup days and all. His heart aching at the thought. 

Before the older man, could dwell more on that thought, Liam was backing into a parking space in-between two cars not having much space but doing a perfect job. Impressive. 

The parking spaces were only resigned to certain people and right before Louis went to grasp the door handle, Liam moved to put some kind of special parking disc on the other’s side but not just one of those that show how long you had been parked for, in the car window and then got out of the vehicle. obviously, the writing being lopsided because they were still sitting inside the car and before the still confused man got to read what it said, Liam had him pulled into a building.

A Victorian wallpaper plastered onto the wall - making Louis even more confused. “Where are we?” “You really do not have any patience, do you?” Liam deadpanned. 

“Oh, I’m sorry good sir. I’m not exactly trained in being kidnapped - but no, it’s not my strongest skill.” The older sassed.

“Jesus, Louis. Just follow me, okay.” the health-freak said as he started walking up a staircase.

And as they reached their final destination and it had an open door, Louis couldn’t believe his eyes. A. flipping. Music. Studio. Liam watched on with a smirk. “Still think I’m a kidnapping murderer?”

Louis did not answer him, just walking in and watched the many buttons, the instruments, the microphones - This was crazy. He pinched his upper arm to make sure he was not, in fact, dreaming, but did it whilst Liam was not looking. He might be absolutely bewildered, but he did not want to give the other the satisfaction of knowing that. 

“How did you…?” the Doncaster boy gestured to the room. 

“I’m a producer. I need somewhere to work. I’ve booked the place for a while. Got a song that I’m working on with someone - So, I was thinking you could help us after I saw your song-writing talent.” Liam gave him a smile with a shrug, as if this was nothing.

This was so much, too much almost. And that led Louis to his next line “Liam, this is absolutely amazing and all and I really appreciate everything that you’ve done for me throughout the past few days but I just…I don’t want to be a charity case”

Liam looked at him with a sad look in his eyes “You’re not and you never were and I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. Do you want to know why I gave you that hug on the train?” Liam continued before Louis even had a chance to think about what the man had just said 

“I saw myself in that man on the blue seat. I was going through something a few years ago and I did not have anyone. I was reaching out for someone to help me, but I did not know who, to reach out to. My family don’t live here, and I felt like my problem would disappoint them, at that very moment.”

“So…. I got out of my shared flat, and went on a stroll, I was living in Islington at that very moment. And without really knowing where I was going I had walked into ‘Green ‘licious’  
and I definitely was not shopping for kale - I was not exactly a ‘health freak’ yet, as you like to address me as, yet.” He stopped with a small grin - “I met Niall that day, his parents were teaching him how to run the shop, and he saw me just like I saw him.”

“Later on, I have come to learn that his parents had been ushering him over to me because apparently I looked like I ‘needed help’ and although, I did, it was not exactly what lettuce would be the best, and that’s how we bonded, first off, only as friends for quite a while, I was still hurting and I wasn’t just going to jump into a new relationship an hour or so after a break-up.”

Louis had to intervene at that moment, way too, both confused and curious to safe himself.  
“So, like,…. What happened?”

“I walked in to my ex shagging someone else, and then he broke up with me whilst he was still in her. Turns out we did not have what I thought we had and honestly I am so happy it happened now, because I would never had found Niall if that had not happened.” Liam answered ending with a smile at the mention of Niall.

Louis could barely even imagine being as happy as Liam in a relationship. Their stories where so similar, although, Louis was still stuck on the bad breakup part. He wondered if he would ever find his own Niall? Or maybe he would just die an old cat lady or well, man. Was that even a thing? He would just have to make that a first then.   
And at that very thought, a knock was heard from the now closed door.


End file.
